Ever have an experience that changes you as a person, and you can't forget it ? Today I remember one that still shakes me to my core, in a cold way. I was pregnant and in love with a man who I hoped was truly my soulmate. it turned out all wrong. it went from wonderful, to wild, to crazy to fucked up totally inside of six months.

Why Am I Unhappy ?Why Do I See Myself Under a Cloud ?Could it be that for my entire life I've made decisions from inside a Mental Closet ?Unhappiness has seemed to follow me around like a shadow for most of my life.  I can feel it slipping into the room, quietly; making my life grey and silent. the things that make me most unhappy seem to be things that I have no choice over. I've tried almost from the first I can remember to outwit the feeling but it always seems to have some sec...

I'm deep in thought most of the time now; wondering how I can change the names but keep the facts the same. it seems likely that if I just write it and then make an edit to fix the names, I may be more apt to get it done. the poetry archive that has been my holding space for the chapter synopsis' will finally begin to become the skeleton for my novella. I wonder if the time I put into writing each night will finally free me from some of the demons that have plagued me through my entire life.